Shattered in broken pieces,

To this, is where I came.

Engulfed beneath what haunts me,

Somehow assured that God knows my frame.

My choices tearing at my desires,

Yielding to fleshly alluring’s familiar call.

I bow for brief satisfaction,

Continual reckoning disects every fall.

This madening cycle of frustration,

The never-ending fight to give in.

Internally wrestling my demons,

Never quite sure that I will win.

Yet, above the roar of this dark cyclone,

I hear a sweet call so familiar to me.

My Savior there, reaching to rescue,

His voice chasing those demons to flee.

The spirits I’ve followed have broken me,

Piece by piece has taken its toll.

In God’s artistry of resurrecting,

Jesus, only you can make me whole.

Calling my heart to surrender,

Fully to what His plan is for me.

Letting God mend the pieces,

Beautifully broken, I am now free.

Wendi Maddox

Author’s Look~

This one was not an easy one to write, and I’m still not sure that I got right what my heart wanted to say, for deep things of the heart are hard to express from the mind. This post is made in honor of my youngest brother, Tommy Gene Carrigan, who left this earth on April 15, 2025.

Today, June 6, is his birthday, and it felt like the right day to honor him and shine light on his testimony of struggle and redemption that only came from the love of Jesus Christ. This is my view and it may look different from someone else’s but no matter who is telling Tommy’s story, the love would come through the same. He was a son, brother and uncle- he was family. We all loved him very much and will always miss him. May his story shine a light of hope for someone else to follow today.

The Struggle

I describe Tommy as a complicated dude. He was light and love, yet his life reflected the darkness he wrestled with. From a child, he wrestled internally, and had struggles that we now know and see as OCD, ADHD, etc. (no formal diagnosis), and it showed up in many negative ways. All the while, he was the most kind, loving and fun person that you could be around, and would do anything for anyone. His heart of gold was twisted up in his struggles, and in time, he found himself living most of his adult life in prison, where his earth journey was there ended.

During his time in prison, Tommy turned to God and surrendered the blame game, begining an up and down journey in his walk with God, while fighting his addictions. Many of his choices had shattered him, but God in his love and grace kept calling to him, picking him up and starting new.

Tommy was on life support the last time that we got to see him, and as my sister, Susan and I stood on either side of his bed, we suddenly felt the presence of God rush into that room. It was so strong, warm and comforting and so unexpected. Still being in shock of what we were facing, I had not even turned my mind to where God was with Tommy, and at that moment we were not praying or trying to usher in anything. We were solemnly standing there, stroking his face and holding his hand, when God showed up to show us His glory.

Angels

I’m going to lose people here, but that’s Ok, this is my story to tell and I will not leave out what is so important to share. As God’s presence entered that hospital room, Susan and I began to entertain what we were feeling and we welcomed Him in. I knew in that moment, there were angels walking among us. I could feel it.

I told Susan, “I have never seen angels and I don’t now, but I KNOW they are in this room. I feel it!” I also knew at that moment, that God was telling me, that for the first time in his entire life, Tommy was free! Free of the bondages of this world, the entrapping and tangling web he wrestled with was gone. I could see him with a glowing, smiling face, his hands lifted, no chains . . . he was FREE! We wept tears of joy in that moment, rejoicing in Tommy’s new freedom.

Made Whole

We had to say our earthly good-byes to Tommy, knowing that this was the last time we would be standing there together as a family. A family of 10, we grew up tight knit and our loyalties are strong. On the long drive back home, my sister, Bethani, shared a song for us to listen to that had been on her heart. It is called Beautifully Broken/Broken Medleyhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dwQA8Q9iKM&list=RD8dwQA8Q9iKM&index=1 and it ministered to us.

It was so descriptive of what Tommy’s life had been, and told the beautiful testimony of the artistry of God, putting the broken pieces back together for a beautifully broken masterpiece formed from His hand.

Revelation 21:5 (KJV). . . And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new . . .

It was from this song, that I wrote this piece for Tommy. God continued to stay near to him and call his name, for God knew his frame and understood his struggles, meeting him where he was and making all things new. No matter the missteps he had taken, in the end, he had found his peace with God.

We saw a tattoo on Tommy’s right arm that portrayed praying hands, encircled by the words: Only God Can Judge Me. Even in his mistakes, Tommy knew that he was in the hands of a merciful God, who understood him inside and out and was the only one righteous enough to be his judge.

God showed up to tell us that day. . . ‘he is in my hands, and let him rest there. He was beautifully broken, but he is now free with Me.’

Psalm 139: 7-10 (KJV). . . Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: If I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, And thy right hand shall hold me.

Let Tommy’s testimony speak to you today. If you are in a struggle, there is no place that you can go that is too far from God. His arm is long reaching and His love everlasting. He will NEVER give up on you, and there is nothing too broken that He cannot restore and make new and beautiful again!

God Makes ALL Things New!